Sunday, August 29, 2010

What More Can I Say But Billy!!!!

As those who have followed my blog for a while will know, I have a problem when visiting the toilet here - Billy. He sleeps in the laundry where our only toilet lives and as the laundry isn't very big and Billy is, there isn't a lot of floor space left over for essential toilet visiting things like feet and legs (mine, not Billy's).  When Billy is really up close and personal with the porcelain it usually takes a couple of gentle, or sometimes not so gentle, digs in his ribs to get him to shuffle out a bit.  Usually if find it a lot easier and quicker to do my best to arrange my self around him. This of course is fraught with danger, but at least if I'm ever unsuccessful in my arrangements I'll have a soft place to land on Billy's ample belly.

This morning there just wasn't anywhere to put my feet.  Billy was almost wrapped around the base of the toilet.  It's in a corner of the laundry so that was quite a feat for a large dog.  Billy is stone deaf these days so unless I can get him to look at me, and when he knows I want him to do something he doesn't want to do, he'll look anywhere but at me, I can't get him to do a thing.  If I can get him to look at me, hand and arm flailing, serious facial expressions and lots of pointing usually result in Billy heaving a sigh and going wherever it is I'm pointing.  This time he just kept his eyes closed, sleep being the best excuse ever.  I proceeded to perform the digs in the ribs routine only to me met with absolutely nothing from Billy.  He didn't grunt, shuffle to the side or even give a hint that he'd felt my prodding.  I moved my foot and prodded his head.   Billy's response was to open one eye, look at me and then close that eye again.  My back was in a bad way already so there was no way I could bend and grab his collar and forcibly remove him.  Graeme was out in a paddock somewhere so calling for his help was no use and I really needed to move that dog!!!

I resorted to bribery - quite a common theme with my dealings with Billy I'm afraid.  Billy is a sucker for dry cat food.  He will do almost anything for a little scoop of cat food, including take his attention off the ferrets in the middle of an exchange of insults between he and them, so waking up and moving a few inches should have been a cinch.  I opened the bin containing the food and took out a small scoop.  At the sound of the cat kibble crunching as I scooped it up Billy's eyebrow twitched.  I waved the scoop under his nose.  Billy's nose twitched.  I then moved the scoop away but Billy didn't follow.  I brought the scoop back under his nose and once again that nose twitched.  I might add that twitching nose was the only thing that did move on Billy's body though.  I moved the scoop away with no dog removing success yet again.  I decided to leave a little trail of cat foot from Billy's nose to his dish in the hope that he'd jump up and scoop up each kibble, thus creating a free space around the toilet.  No such luck.

Billy lay there, nose twitching, trying to locate the spot where the kibble lay.  Then, before my disbelieving eyes a huge pink tongue came out, moved across the floor and scooped in the little line of kibble closest to his head.   Crunch, crunch crunch and the tongue came out again, explored as far as it could reach and scooped in the last of the kibble he could reach.  I waited for Billy to get up to get the rest but he obviously thought that the little snack he'd had (all of about six pieces of kibble) would last him for a while and went back to sleep with a satisfied smile on his face.

I had no alternative than to perform acrobatics that a woman of my age and injuries shouldn't even contemplate.  My mission was successfully completed and more acrobatics performed to get me back on my feet while Billy slept on.

The left over cat food?  As soon as I opened the door Juno, the red kelpie type, raced in and scooped it up as quickly as she could (the kelpie types love cat food as much as Billy does) while keeping one eye on Billy's prone form.  I expected Billy to jump up and defend his stash.  Nope.  Billy gently snored and left Juno to it.

Just what was Billy up to last night?!!!!