So Sad

It's been four weeks now and this post is still difficult to write.

Four weeks ago both my beautiful dogs died.  I can't go into the details without bursting into tears again - it's enough to say they are gone and my heart is broken.

I miss my beautiful girls and still find going out the back door difficult.  It feels empty on the back porch without my dogs to greet me and wait somewhat impatiently for me to give them pats and/or belly rubs.  Visiting the toilet unaccompanied hasn't happened to me since we moved here sixteen and a half years ago.  Now I just feel lonely while I'm in there.  I no longer like to wander around my garden because I don't have my furry entourage with me, making suggestions for improvements (usually the need for more holes they'd be happy to dig for me) and smelling all the interesting smells.  

I miss their antics and their beautiful faces.  The look Athena would give me when she thought I'd lost the plot (usually when I tried to get her to fetch a ball or rowsed on her for some misdemeanour).  I miss Demeter's frenetic personality - always on the go and always into mischief.  I even miss the mess she'd create in the laundry each night if I forgot to hide the toilet paper before we went to bed.  The laundry floor stays clean and tidy and I hate it.  The dog blankets are clean and folded, sitting on top of the dryer - a constant reminder that they aren't in use anymore to provide a bed for tired dogs.  I wish I had room to store them out of sight.

I've put everything of the dogs' I can out of sight, but occasionally I'll come across a chewed bone or toy that was hidden away.  I can't bare to go near their little treasure troves where they stored any treat or plastic object they'd stolen.  They thought their treasure troves were such a secret and were always suprised when I went straight to them when looking for a lost item.  They'd rush after me and then fuss around their beloved possessions while trying to deny any responsibility for whatever I found there.  Our shoes always ended up there while both dogs assumed an air of innocence and denied all knowledge of how they'd got there.

They were so young and had so much potential.  They were already wonderful pets and time would only improve them even more.  They tried their best to please despite their tendency to break the rules.  When they did they were always very sorry.

I just want them back.